The TGIF Sex Blog (Cheating)

¡Hola! Everybody...
By now, there are literally tens of millions of blogs and messages, articles, and news shows dedicated to the passing of Michael Jackson. The best I can say is that I cannot judge MJ (nor do I want to). Very few of us would be able to handle the glare of the spotlight thrust upon MJ since the age of five. Under such scrutiny, which one of you can say you would not be humiliated by something rattling in your closet?

MJ was a human being who shared his remarkable creative gift with millions. In the end, I can only judge him by the inherent joy that was emblematic of his art. His actions will reverberate throughout time long after we are all dust in the wind. RIP, Michael...

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-=[ Can’t We Just be friends? ]=-

... A very dear friend.

-- Governor Mark Sanford on his Argentina Tail

Watching the Sanford press conference debacle I actually laughed at the above quote (Yeah, right! you don’t shtup your friends, buddy!). But it got me to thinking... can married men and women be friends with the opposite sex? Some (such as myself) would say it’s not impossible; others would say it’s impractical (or question the desire to do so).

One of my best friends is a married woman. We’ve known each for years. While we certainly don’t hang with each as we used to before her marriage, we do keep in touch regularly and sometimes we even go out for brunch or a movie with her husband’s blessing (“Please!” he’ll joke, “take her somewhere, Eddie!” LOL!). However, I will readily admit that ours is a rare and beautiful relationship based on mutual respect and love. I would never want to do anything that would result in the betrayal of her (and her husband’s) implicit trust. I think we all get off on the fact that we’re close like that.

I’m sure there are others that have managed to pull it off, but for some it can be risky, and the cynical among us might as, “Why take the risk?”

Nothing is wrong with married people wanting opposite-sex friends. Actually, I believe it is abnormal to have only same-sex friends. I guess the important question here is if you’re able to handle the responsibility that comes with the relationship. We always believe we can handle a temptation until we discover that we cannot.

I don’t believe that having an opposite-sex friend puts you in danger of emotional and sexual infidelity. The friendship doesn’t cause the action, if you’re having thoughts of infidelity, they will occur whether you have opposite sex friends or not. What an opposite-sex friendship will do is make you confront that issue at some point or another.

If spending “quality time” becomes a way of relying on a friend in the way that you should rely on your husband or wife, then that is a problem. Having that emotional closeness to another person at the exclusion of your mate could result in you feeling emotionally closer to your friend than to your spouse, paving the way to an intimacy that might lead to a physical affair. Again, if this is happening, it’s not the friendship that is the cause. Rather, it might be a sign that you’re making certain unhealthy choices for some unknown (or known) reason. Of course, there’s always the chance of becoming physically attracted to a friend. Only one of the two of you needs to initiate the physical contact, and once started, you may not want to--or think you are able to--stop.

When I was married and attending university, I was surrounded by very young, very attractive women who were beginning to explore the boundaries of their sexuality. I have a rule of thumb with certain things, it’s called “people, places, and things.” If I want to avoid drinking, for example, I avoid, people places and things that might tempt me to drink. One big mistake with infidelity is that we think we can resist the temptation until we realize (often too late) that we can’t. Sometimes we aren’t as strong as we believe, which is how infidelity starts. If you know that you may be tempted by a relationship outside your marriage, or that you have an ego that you need to constantly feed with attention from the opposite sex, then you can probably guess that if your “friend” is right there willing and able, you might not resist.

That’s why I used to avoid college women like the plague. My ex and I would laugh at some of the things that happened -- the attempts at seduction, the propositions, etc. and yes, I would share these things with my wife at the time because I wanted it all to be transparent.

For me, any relationship should be predicated on implicit trust. I like to think that my ex never thought for a moment that I would cheat on her. Our relationship evolved to the point where we took different roads, but there was never any betrayal of trust. And I have many women friends, something my ex handled quite well. In fact, some of my friends became her friends and I would accuse her of stealing my friends! LOL!

Honestly, yes, we (men and women) can be friends, but only if the persons involved are secure in their emotional needs and sufficiently evolved.

On the other hand, so many affairs start with two people who thought they were just going to be friends, thinking that all they were going to do is have innocent interactions -- that as long as they’re not having sex, everything is fine. It is ... until it’s not.

Love,

Eddie