Hola mi Gente,
I know it's a little late but I just wanted to reiterate my feelings as I posted them on
social media regarding professional come
mierda, Rafael “Ted” Cruz’ remarks regarding New York “values” and his
subsequent non apology:
Cruz' slimy slur (and subsequent non-apology) against
multi-ethnic, multiracial NYC (and most "blue states") is a
not-so-subtle racist dog whistle. And that's why it matters. There are many who
can't or won't see the racism in this, but fuck them. Period.
Today's racism is one that is preoccupied with matters of
“moral character,” informed by the virtues associated with the myth of US
rugged individualism. In other words, conservative talking points about
perceived individual failure are racially coded expressions of negative
stereotypes of people of color (mostly Blacks and Latin@s). And this is what
Cruz is appealing to when he takes digs at New York.
* * *
Practicing to Hate
Anyone can become angry. That is easy. But
to be angry with the right person to the right degree at the right time for the
right purpose and in the right way, that is not easy.
-- Aristotle
The belief that venting anger (“letting
off steam”), is one of the most destructive. The idea that venting is necessary
and helpful has become a cultural assumption. I believe it stems from a
misconception from theories expressed by Freud and his followers.
The way the myth goes is that
frustration can build up over time and that it must be released one way or
another. Bottled up, unexpressed anger supposedly festers in your mind and
body, creating both physical and emotional disease and poisoning relationships
at work, play, and romance (Bry, 1976). The basic cure, then, is to express
your anger, “letting it all out,” in order to cleanse and purify your mind and
body (Janov, 1970). This so-called cleansing is sometimes called catharsis,
which literally means “purging.” The assumption being that clearing the air
results in healthier and happier communication and increases self-esteem.
If that were the case, then my family
should be the healthiest family in the known universe. LOL!
After many years of research, the
venting idea has been finally put to rest. Dead.
Contrary to
popular belief, blowing off steam is not beneficial. One of the most renowned researchers on anger, Carol Tavris, discovered that people most likely
to vent their rage simply get more rather than less angry when they do so
(Tavris, 1989). In addition, those on the receiving end of their outbursts get
angry too. Perhaps you have noticed this in your own interactions. An angry
outburst is followed by more anger and shouting, maybe even crying or violence,
reaching a climax. Eventually this is followed by exhaustion and withdrawal
and/ or an apology. I used to experience the aftermath of an anger event like
an alcohol hangover: physical and emotional wreckage and remorse. Have you
noticed how this cycle can be replayed repeatedly with no catharsis or decrease
in the level of your anger?
Let anger out and it is met with more
anger -- the simple law of cause and effect. It is also the exact definition of
karma. Negative energy breeds more negative energy. Behavior such as yelling or
even talking out an emotion doesn’t reduce anger, it is literally rehearsal for
more of the same. Punching a pillow or a punching bag while thinking of someone
you are angry or a situation you dislike is rehearsing violence. In doing that
you are creating more anger, or more precisely, more justification for your
hate. There have been numerous studies showing that venting anger actually
serves to “freeze” hostility. In other words, it serves to keep you stuck in
the anger mindset or attitude (Tavris, 1989).
If you have the awareness, you would
know from your own experiences that venting does not make hostile feelings go
away. Instead, they tend to stick around longer and haunt you. The fact is that
the popular assumption about the way to deal with anger, venting it by letting
it all out, is worse than useless. Expressing anger does not reduce anger. It
actually makes you angrier. Venting also serves to solidify an angry state of
mind, escalates anger and aggression, and does nothing to help you resolve the
situation. Furthermore, buying into the idea that letting it all out somehow
purifies you is dangerous because it becomes a rationale to hurt others. You
may have even done this yourself.
I know what you’re saying right now.
You’re probably thinking back to the times where you felt relief after venting
your anger. The irony is that numerous studies have shown that such relief is
not a function of venting your anger, but a learned reaction (Hokanson, 1970).
Some people have learned to feel relief following the expression of anger just
as others have learned to feel shame or increased compassion after venting.
This from of conditioning involves making the mistake of falsely connecting
acting out our anger and the calm that follows after the anger has passed. This
is a false connection because the fact is that people would have felt calmer
anyway after a while, even without acting out their anger.
::blank stare::
Yesterday, as I was heading toward the
subway an older man brushed against me, gave me a dirty look, and told me to
watch where I was walking. I wanted to tell that muthafucka to go fuck himself
and a few other choice ideas, but what I said really threw him off his game.
While he was in the process of shooting me the bird, I calmly, but firmly,
suggested he seek therapy or sex and even offered to help him pay for it. It
made everyone on that train (including me) laugh and he actually looked
foolish.
The good news is that you can learn new
responses and change how you respond to angry feelings. From this perspective,
responding to feelings of anger with angry actions becomes a choice rather than
an inevitable self-fulfilling prophesy. Reacting impulsively (acting out)
as a response to anger is not inevitable or something you need to keep doing.
My name is Eddie and I’m in recovery
from civilization…
References
Bry, A. (1976). How to get angry
without feeling guilty. New York: New American Library.
Hokanson, J. E. (1970).
Psychophysiological evaluation of the catharsis hypothesis. In E. I. Megargee
& J. E. Hokanson (Eds.), The dynamics of aggression New York: Harper
& Row.
Janov, A. (1970). The primal scream.
New York: Dell.
Tavris, C. (1989). Anger: The least
understood emotion. New York: Touchstone.
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