I’m sitting here in pain. I started jumping rope (it’s brutal) and a recurring back problem resurfaced. I need to go see my Reiki girl.
It’s Friday so it’s all about S-E-X up in here! LOL
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-=[ Doing It ]=-
Or: Sticking it in...
Note: Because the vast majority of those who interact with me here (and elsewhere) are women, I find myself writing the Friday sex blog specifically addressing women.
As a wise Latina woman put it to me once, if God really wanted all straight sex to be in the missionary position, my dick would have come equipped with those little fluttering thingees you see on sex toys, or the clit would’ve been more strategically positioned inside the vagina (or throat. LOL!). Fortunately for all involved, we are instead confronted by the delicious challenge of figuring out how to be a good lover, or how to be good in bed as a couple.
I just want to put it out there that “sex,” or “doing it,” or “sticking it in” should be more broadly defined. However, our culture idealizes penis-in-vagina sex as the ultimate sex act. Of course this omits all kinds of other (i.e., gay and lesbian) sex, but for straight people sticking it in is the homerun. But sex is more than just inserting a penis into the vagina -- it’s more than penetration. I have met women who have helped disabuse me of such narrow definitions.
Which brings me to today’s topic...
Sex -- good sex -- means two people making each other feel so good that they become totally immersed in the moment. Ego boundaries crash down, and along with that the sense of separateness and smallness disappears into an exquisite sense of connection and spirituality. During this experience, it is impossible for you to think or even give a fuck (pun intended) about the freakin house monkey crying in the next room, what you need to get done in the office, or whether the color scheme of your bedroom walls really do match. When you’re fucking, if you’re engaging in superior sex, this isn’t the shit you’re thinking about. Sex is more than a gift, it is also an art that must be practiced.
When sex is good, it’s very good. There’s mutual pleasure, parts fitting together, an exquisite vulnerability. and maybe even that supposed gold standard of sex: simultaneous orgasms! LOL On the other hand, mediocre sex sucks. It can feel isolating or mechanical if it’s not with the right person at the right time. Still, sometimes you get that itch that only a good hard fucking can scratch.
In my “research” with women, I’ve learned that the following are important factors before doing the deed with Joe Kneckbone. Actually thinking about whether or not you’re ready (preferably before you’re naked in bed ladies) to have sex with an individual is a good idea. Here are some ways you might go about making this determination...
Ask yourself if you trust this person emotionally. In my limited experience, women seem to enjoy sex more when they feel like they’re in a safe place psychologically. Take note if this person has treated his past lovers with respect. One good indicator is how they talk about their exes. I used to have this fool on my friends list who always had something bad to say about his ex-wife: her pussy smelled rancid, she had a “loose” pussy, she was a horrible lover, etc. Eventually, I took him to task pointing out that talking about a former lover (in this instance the mother of his children) was fucked up and probably indicated at best some deep-seated issues and at worst a misogynist (a woman hater). Needless to say, almost every woman he dated was fodder for his blogs. You don’t want that kind of shit. And I used to be amazed that women would meet with, let alone date this asshole.
Then there is the issue of birth control and safe sex. Was your partner ready to enter the juncture of your soft thighs bareback? That ain’t cool. Even if you’re on the pill you certainly need a condom and at least some kind of discussion. I haven’t done a sex blog on safe sex practices yet, but I think I will real soon. You’d be surprised.
Finally, you have to know what it is you want emotionally out of the encounter. Some women want only “meaningful” full-course gourmet meals of sex. Ladies? Sometimes you need a good primal fucking. A quickie here or there with a casual lover or a hard row by your committed partner is necessary, especially when you’re walking around fuckin confused about everything. LOL! I’m kidding! But you get my drift.
If this is a one-night stand on a business trip, then the emotional stakes are pretty much low. However, if this a person you want as a girlfriend or boyfriend, you should consider whether sex will change things. Take a moment to think whether this will change the way the person treats you. Will they treat for better or worse? If you’re a breeder -- Ooops! I mean! -- if sex is a big deal to you, then it might be wise to proceed with caution. One woman put it to me this way: if you don’t feel comfortable calling the person the next day, maybe it’s too soon. Of course, I quickly countered that that never stopped me! LOL
Next week: the positions...