Monday, March 15, 2010

What Really Matters, pt. III

¡Hola! Everybody...
For the people in my life...

* * *

-=[ The Brass Ring ]=-

The only thing I regret about my past is the length of it. If I had to live my life again I'd make all the same mistakes -- only sooner.

-- Talluluah Bankhead

I love that the majority of the people on my list of friends share a wicked sense of humor. With the exception of one or two who occasionally get their panties in a wad, most of you indulge my warped sense of humor and need for connection. I tend to stay away from people who don’t find the humor in this Cosmic Joke we call life.

I am 54 years-old, but I am “young at heart.” Some would say I’m immature, I like to think of myself as adventurous and somewhat unconventional. I love to laugh and I am a man of many different tastes, comfortable in a wide range of situations; but if you want to characterize as juvenile my fondness for riding on carousels, laughing in the rain, or smiling or loving recklessly, then do so. That’s your prerogative. However, don’t mistake my lust for life, nor my smile: I have seen far more than even my tired eyes could ever tell you.

All men are needy, ladies, at least those honest enough to own up to it; and that neediness is exactly what turns women off. Ya’ll want men who will give unconditionally without needing to be praised or recognized for it. The thing is that in order for us men to get in touch with ourselves, we first need to be able look honestly at our needs and articulate them. And therein lies the paradox.

Nevertheless, I have made a commitment to go for the brass ring, no qualifications. I am reckless that way. I am not foolish, but I refuse to live in fear of a broken heart because (FYI) it’s already been broken... several times. I live my life trying to be as transparent as possible and really, people: how many work at that -- truly work at it?

In terms of chronological age, I think most people are mistaken. There’s such a thing as a threshold and age doesn’t necessarily equate to wisdom or even a pleasant disposition. In fact (girds loins), I’ll go out on a limb and say flat out that it’s been my experience that people my age carry more baggage, more unresolved trauma, and are not necessarily all the wiser for it.

As some of you may know, I have dated women much younger than myself, but that doesn’t mean they lacked substance, intelligence, or wit. For the most part the women in my life, regardless of age, possess all these qualities in spades, and, more importantly, they were nice to me too. That’s a huge thing in my book, being pleasant and nice -- it says a lot about a person’s character and attitudinal orientation. This capacity for compassion and generosity is not dependent on age. In fact, these qualities are often the first victims of the vicissitudes of life.

I just want to thank all the women and men on my list for being the way you are, this very moment, and for giving these hilarious times to me. When we’re old and feeble, poosies dragging, dicks limp, what will have mattered… really mattered?

I’ll tell you what will have mattered most: the times you smiled, the way you hold your head when you laugh, the times you ran around in the rain like a fool, the glint in your eye, and most of all, all those crimes and foolish catastrophes of the heart. In short, what will have mattered most when the tally is counted for the last time are the daring spurts of unreasonable laughter you stole. Thanks for joining me, even for a while, in my quest to be unreasonably happy, poking fun at you and me and laughing together.




  1. <span>

    Perhaps this love of life, the unwavering courage to laugh in the face of fear, and the enthusiasm to jump into the leaf-pile called life is what brought us all together. I don't believe that things happen by accident, in this playground we call the Universe. I have been dating men in their late thirties, early forties, and it is not because I am seeking younger men per se, but because we connected. I find that these men aren't afraid of hard work, have schedules that match mine, are not consumed with illnesses, operations, how the world has done them wrong, or who and what kept them from being happy and/or successful. They have healthy appetites in all areas and willingly share the passions that drive them. I have long suspected that women who get left for younger women were not left because of their chronological age but because they had lost their lust for life and their desire for their partner. I believe that we earn our faces...what's inside, we wear on the outside. No one wants to be with an old poopsie before they are an old poopsie...and probably not even then! I would be happy to romp with you, poking fun (you know, I thought all that poking was something else entirely! Shows what's on MY mind!! hahaha) and experiencing bursts of unreasonable laughter and happiness.

  2. Well put my friend. And yes, poking means several things depending on the context. LOL Romping is good too!

    I do think we get trapped into thinking that we shyould act a certain way because of our age. I get a lot of grief at work because of this. My feedback from my peers is that I'm too easy-going. "People won't take you seriously, Eddie." as if I cared. People DO like to work for me though! LOL

  3. <span>

    Working in drug/alcohol abuse has taught me that there are two camps: the old-school group: the just say NO and do everything I tell you to do kind of punitive approach, and the newer, motivational the Patient where they are at approach.

    I fall into the motivational group. I believe that if you see me working, "therapizing," I'm blowing it. I believe in a "back-door" approach, relying on my ability to engage the Patient using Rogarian principles, and then slip in cognitive behavioral interventions. If I am doing it right, they never see it coming. I have even been known to sit with a Client over a pot of tea, mainly because it takes approximately 50 minutes to drink a pot of tea and it has proven to be helpful for people that are initially uncomfortable talking about their deepest, darkest secrets.

    A lot of my co-workers interpret this easy-going style as my being a "push-over." What they have difficulty understanding is why my Patient's do so well when they don't see me doing anything, and they envy my low no-show rate. These co-workers are also the ones that come in and "chop things up with me" when they are having an issue!

    As for "people not taking you seriously " that was one of the reasons I changed clinics...the new director was old school and thought I was just "chatting" with my Patients. He told the Counselors, to whom my Patients were reassigned, that they were going to have to get my Patients "into shape." He was more concerned about my style of therapy rather than the big picture that all my Patients were clean and sober, working, and well into the process of repairing some of the wreckage of their pasts.

    My new director loves what I bring to the table, and I am free to fly once more.

    I applaud your approach, Eddie....easy-going is underrated.

  4. I'm the same: my approach is very unorthodox, totally inapproprite (from a textbook perspective). But my major concern is like yours: what works for the person who's working with me.

    My boss saw me run a group and was horrfied! I invited her to try and after 10 mins., she was lost.

    I do more programmtic design and fundraising stuff these days, but I run one mens and one womens group every week.

  5. I work with people who have been addicted for anywhere from a few years, to up to 30 years.  They have had "orthodox" up to their eyeballs.  Kind of reminds me of doing the same thing over and over, expecting different results.  :-P   If nothing else, my Patients are intrigued and engaged, because my approach gets them thinking.  While my methods are different, my principles of therapy are sound.

    *Or it's just my way of refusing to be another lemming....LOL*


What say you?


[un]Common Sense